Middle Earth on Earth Misfortunes
by Yosh-ees-stuff
Summary: Imagine if Middle Earth's characters and creatures lived amongst us in modern suburbia...


_**DISCLAIMER: "I, Yoshi, do not own any of JRR Tolkien's amazing World, Characters or Creatures. They are all his own, as he of course was the one who created them…because if I did, I'd have no need to write Fanfiction, or anything else for that matter as I'd be a rich ass Sloan and live off the millions I'd have already made!**_

_**I own only what is not his…the story in other words...what a sad claim to fame!**_

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**Middle Earth on Earth Misfortunes**

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_Let us theoretically and hypothetically assume that the Middle Earth characters and creatures had taken residence on Earth and lived in modern suburbia amongst us. Let us assume that is has always been that way, and we shall not question how they got there or why they are there. This is how I'd imagine it would somewhat be like!_

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**- Intruder Alert-**

Gimli was sitting at home on a Saturday morning flicking through the television channels and grumbling about the lack of cartoon content shown.

"Gimli" Legolas Greenleaf called out from the hallway in a sing-song voice.

"Yes" the Dwarf replied, looking up from the television.

"Did you happen to go into my room this morning?" the Elf sternly asked his flat mate.

"No!" the dwarf replied with a hint of agitation leaping into his tone.

Legolas walked into the living room and stood in front of the television. "Ah, I see. Yes, my bed just happened to _un-make_ itself, and my clothes just _felt_ like coming out of their draws and spreading themselves around the apartment did they?" a red tinge now visible in his pale cheeks.

"How should I know?"

Even though he and Legolas had become the best of friends over the past years, it did not prevent them however from bickering like an old married couple at every possible moment.

"Maybe you were sleep walking again. You know, I caught you doing it last week, _remember_!" he growled making a move to get up from the couch to raise himself up (although this would not do much, considering the fact that he was a dwarf after all and quite considerably shorter than the elf).

"Ha haa! Hmm, I don't think so."

"Well I don't know then, so don't you dare of even thinking to blame me lad or I'll…" exactly what it was Gimli was going to do was unbeknownst to us all, as he was unable to finish his sentence, as at that precise moment, a loud clang made itself heard from the kitchen, the sound of pots and pans crashing to the floor.

"What the!" the two cried out in chorus.

"There's an intruder! Someone is breaking in, quick, hand me my bow!" the elf hissed to the dwarf.

"Here" Gimli replied handing him a baseball bat.

"That's not my bow, you twit!"

"NO, but your bow is in your room you idiot, and besides you just want to knock them out, not kill them, right?"

"Yes, yes, of course" he said distractedly. "Now on the count of three, we'll pounce on him…her…it!"

"Okay!" Gimli whispered back.

"Alright then…one…two…threeeeeeeeee!"

At that moment, both Legolas and Gimli jumped out from behind the kitchen counter and screamed insanities, whilst holding their 'clubs' (in Gimli's case, the frying pan) above their heads, ready to strike at the person who was hiding behind the fridge door and rummaging around with its contents.

"What the?" a curly headed hobbit called out, spinning around to reveal none other than Peregrin Took.

Stopping dead in front of him, the two shrieked, Legolas dropping the baseball bat he had raised above his head, landing it with a thud on Gimli's toe.

"Ouch, ahhh, eehhh, oooohhhhhh!" the Dwarf screamed out as he hoped around on one foot. Looking sideways at him, Legolas shook his head then turned back to Pippin.

"Excuse me, but what exactly do you think you are doing in here?" he asked in a would-be calm voice.

Pippin rolled his eyes and said "Looking for something to eat of course!" as if it was meant to be quite obvious.

"No, no, no, you didn't get my question. What are you doing _in_ my house?" Legolas was getting more and more impatient by the second.

Pippin turned back to the fridge and continued rummaging.

"I told you already, getting something to eat, and by the looks of it, there's nothing in here except rabbit food! What are you? A bunch of health freaks? Or are you just gay Lego-Blocks as I suspected?"

If there was one thing the elf hated more than fatty, greasy unhealthy food, it was people calling him gay. This comment made by Pippin had now ventured into dangerous territory, touching a serious nerve. He despised the fact that some people were so ignorant about Elven culture that they did not understand simple matters of the traditional complexion, not to mention hair length for that matter. It had been trimmed somewhat mind you, so it now hung just below his shoulders. Yet according to Pippin, this did not however choose to sway his opinion upon the Elf's sexuality!

"Excuse me…what was that…I am not gay, thank you very much!" The elf replied quite ruffled.

"Why so defensive then?" Pippin replied folding his arms across his chest and tapping his large hairy foot on the Elf's surgically clean kitchen floor.

"What? Am I supposed to just agree with you?" Legolas almost shouted.

"Well…yes! I mean everyone knows and says you are gay, so of course, yeah!"

Giving the hobbit really bad evils he walked over to the door and opened it. "Right…get out…NOW!"

"No!" Pippin definitely said.

A vein was now making itself apparent on Legolas's right temple.

"Excuse me! What do you mean '_no'_? This is my house and I'm telling you to get out, so you can go on and get out!" Legolas was almost beside himself with rage.

"I'm here visiting Gimli, so it's not up to you, right Gimli?" Pippin said, closing the fridge door and walking over to stand next to the Dwarf.

"WHAT?" There were now traces of spit flying from the Elf's mouth and Gimli knew that at any moment, there was going to be a 'hissy fit'. Cowering, Gimli shifted behind Pippin as his flat mate loomed over him.

"Oh, you're visiting Gimli are you? Well Gimli, tell him to get out then!"

"He wouldn't do that. He has manners, unlike you, and besides, he doesn't need you to tell him what to do, he can decide for himself."

Legolas rounded on Gimli, his tall, lean figure towering over his friend's short and stocky Dwarf build. "Ah, going to let him stay are you?"

"Well ye…yes. As a matter of fact I am! Hmf! He came here to visit me, so he can stay." Gimli replied gaining a little more confidence as he continued.

"Okay, stay! Nock yourself out! _Enjoy_ his company! I, however, am leaving!" and with that the Prince of Mirkwood walked back over to the door on the way grabbing the keys off the television unit to his Aston Martin DBS, and stomped up to the door and slammed it shut on the way out. The door opened again and the Elf stuck his head back into the house. "By the way…I'd tone down on the colour a bit, you might blind him!" and once again slammed the door shut.

Gimli looked over at Pippin, and examined his lime green attire.

"Nah, I wouldn't say that. Good colours." Gimli nodded his head smiling. "Don't worry about him, he's just jealous, he likes the colour, but it doesn't suit him!" the Dwarf finished with a laugh.

"Why thank you Gimli! You're such a gentleman, unlike him. YES…that is another thing to add to my list of 'Lego-Blocks is Gay', yes, I think that would be gay…wanting to wear lime green, resulting in jealously…yeees!" Pippin muttered to himself.

Gimli seated himself back down onto the couch, choosing to ignore his last comment and resumed his previous position, taking up the remote in his hand and began flicking the channels again. Pippin sat down, and began watching the remainder of _Cow and Chicken_; after Gimli had finally decided to stop flicking through.

"Ah good, I've been waiting for him to go all morning so I could eat some real food!" Gimli said as he got up and fished around under the chair for something.

"_Aha_! So there is edible food in this house?" laughed Pippin. "The stupid poof! Is he always that P.?"

"Nah, he's usually a nice, quiet lad to be honest…although there are the occasional _hissy fits_, like today for example…nah, he just has a problem with people who think he's gay...hang on, I thought you liked him."

"Most of the time! But it's just amusing to see him get so worked up!"

"Sexual tension!" Gimli muttered before ducking down to fish under the sofa again.

"I heard that!"

"You were meant too!"

"Hmf!"

Gimli gave a chuckle and then popped up with a bag crammed full of assorted chocolates, lollies and other junk food items. Pippin's eyes nearly popped out of his head with glee and saliva began to pour out of the corner of both of their mouths.

After regaining consciousness Gimli spoke. "I have to hide it all from him, he is nuts about me losing weight, going on diets and of course, he likes to keep his trim figure. And did I happen to mention that he is an obsessive health freak? Bloody elf! Go on help yourself!"

The two sat in silence, now content as they munched happily on their junk food in peace.

_**-Yoshi-**_


End file.
